Kids

The Importance of Failure

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Dr. Corinne Masur

Last week in The Sunday New York Times there was an article describing how college students need to to be TAUGHT that it’s okay to fail occasionally. Smith, a prestigious women’s college, offers a presentation called “Failing Well” during student orientation, which gives out a certificate saying, “You are hereby authorized to screw up, bomb or fail at one or more relationships, hookups, friendships, texts, exams or extracurriculars or any other choice associated with college…and still be a totally worthy, utterly excellent human.”

Evidently many 18 year olds are getting to college having suffered very few disappointments or failures of any kind. Or they get to college rarely having had to handle disappointment on their own. They are simply unprepared for this experience. Residence life offices are inundated with students who come in sobbing that they did not get their first choice of roommate, that they got less than an A- on an exam, or that they got rejected from a club.

How did we, as a society, or we as parents and educators and mental health professionals allow this to happen? We simply have to ask ourselves this question. Continue reading →

Summer Treat

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It’s finally summer and time to break out the hot weather treats! Want something healthier than ice-cream or sugar filled popsicles?

Try this for your kids. From toddlers to teens, they will love it:

Take any aging bananas, peel and put in plastic bags in your freezer for future use.

When a cool treat is necessary, put 1 frozen banana, a half cup milk (cow’s milk, soy milk, almond milk) and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla in your blender (this amount per serving) and blend until smooth. Voila! It tastes and feels like a milkshake made with ice-cream– but it isn’t!

For interesting color and flavor variations, add blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, peeled peach slices or really ANY summer fruit.

Enjoy!

The Benefits of Recess

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The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation released new findings that demonstrate the benefits of recess for children and their schools:

Unknown“When elementary schools create a safe and healthy recess for students, there can be a major impact on individual kids and school climate overall. In schools with safe and healthy recess students are more active, more cooperative, and more likely to use strong conflict resolution tools. Schools also see more drops in bullying and disciplinary referrals, and reductions in the number of conflicts that start in recess, spill back into class, and take up valuable class time to resolve.”

Check it out here:
http://www.playworks.org/blog/rwjf-research-recess-better-outcomes

Dr. Sears and Attachment

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black_mom_kissing_babyDr. Corinne Masur

So many parents have read Dr. William Sears’ books and tried to approximate his description of attachment parenting. But how many knew that he and his wife developed these ideas not based on research, but based on their own reactions to their difficult childhoods?

It’s very challenging to adhere to his description of ideal attachment parenting (utilizing the co-sleeping technique, wearing the baby, and being as available to the infant and toddler as he suggests), especially for parents who work outside the home, have older children, or have to meet additional family demands.

Now, if the Sears’ work were based on solid longitudinal research, that would be one thing. It would behoove parents to make the sacrifices necessary to adopt some or many of his strategies. However, as it turns out, his theories are not research-based, but are rooted in his and his wife’s fantasies of what would have been better for them as children.

Clearly, a generation of parents have been strongly influenced by the Sears. And for those who were able to take the advice with several grains of salt and to apply their techniques when and where possible, babies may have benefitted from the closeness and attunement of these parents. But MANY parents have suffered the guilt of knowing they were not able to adopt these strategies due to limitations of time, money, energy, etc. And these parents have definitely been done a disservice by the Sears.

To learn more, check out this article in Time magazine and let us know what you think!

The Temptation to Lie…

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Dr. Corinne Masur

In a story about Mar a Lago, Donald Trump’s Florida home, the New York Times reported that there is a nursery, the walls of which are lined with tiles depicting story book figures. Years ago, when showing visitors baby Ivanka’s room, evidently Mr, Trump liked to tell them that the tiles were painted by a young Walt Disney. When he would tell the story, his long time butler would roll his eyes and after the visitors left, Mr. Trump would say to his butler, “You don’t like it when I do that, do you?” and the butler, Anthony Senecal, would say, “No, I don’t. Its not true” to which Mr, Trump would reply “Who cares?”

So…..the truth isn’t important? OR the impression one makes is more important than the truth? There is a temptation after reading this story to think, “Well, if Donald Trump can do that sort of thing and get to be President, why can’t I?” Continue reading →

Providing Comfort to Kids in a Time of Increased Worry

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Dr. Corinne Masur

No matter whom they voted for, everyone in this country is talking about the election results. Emotions are heightened– many people are shocked, angry, worried, fearful or some combination of these potent feelings. While some are frustrated by people protesting the election results, others are shocked and worried about the results. However, most American are united about one thing: concern over the effect that this turmoil is having on our children.

And if your inbox is anything like mine, emails are piling up with petitions, appeals, etc. But one thing that may be different about my inbox is that I’m also getting requests for help in understanding how children are processing recent events. Moreover, I’m receiving questions about how to provide comfort for children who may be even more afraid and confused than the adults around them.

So I would like to start a dialogue. I will offer a few thoughts, but please, write in and let us know what you have done in your home that’s been helpful and comforting for your children! Continue reading →

Thanksgiving Table Discussions

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Dr. Corinne Masur

People are afraid this Thanksgiving– not of the usual dried out turkey, but of the discussions that are anticipated at the table. Some are even skipping Thanksgiving altogether, in order to avoid painful conversations and heightened tension at their usual holiday gathering places.

This year poses challenges for families. The interpersonal differences and conflicts that we expect to at the holidays are trumped by the election hangover. Families that have members who voted for both Clinton and Trump are grappling with what do do.

For those who have decided to meet anyway, and even for those who agree on the election results, there’s something else to consider: what will the children at the table hear and what does it mean to them? Continue reading →