A thoughtful look at navigating the storms of childhood:
How To Keep Your Child Safe Online
Dr. Corinne Masur
Did your child get new video games over the holidays? When you were busy cooking/cleaning/decorating/celebrating, did you let your child play for a while?
Everyone did, of course. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
But did you know that on any game platform where chatting is possible, children, even small children, are sometimes playing – and chatting – with adults?
You may think the answer is no, you didn’t know that, and no, they are not chatting with adults.
But this IS happening. And not all of the adults have good intentions.
A short time ago, according to a New York Times article (12/8/19), a dad was playing an online game with his five-year-old daughter and one of the characters suddenly said to his daughter’s character, “Who are you?” The dad didn’t know that chatting was even possible on this game!
Also recently, according to the article, one teenage girl struck up a friendship with another teenaged girl while gaming online. They had a lot in common. They exchanged Facebook information and began to communicate regularly. They even looked a bit alike. After several months, the second girl asked if the first girl would send her a picture of herself partially naked. She said she was feeling insecure about her own body. After the first girl sent the photo, the second girl asked her for more. When the first girl said no, the second girl threatened her saying “if you don’t I will send the photo you already sent to all your friends.” The girl refused again and told her mother who contacted the police. The “girl” asking for photos turned out to be a 24 year old man. When the first girl went off to college she shared her experience of having been threatened online and MOST of the girls she talked to had had the same or a similar experience.
This is happening to children of all ages, boys and girls alike. Children initially often like the attention they’re getting and, after weeks or months of “friendship,” they’re often asked to do innocuous things that later escalate into less innocuous things. They are often threatened if they do not comply. Children believe the threats and can feel terribly anxious and guilty, as if they are the ones doing something bad. And this guilt is what interferes with telling their parents.
How can you keep your child safe?
Here are some pointers:
Movie Review
Check out our review of A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood!
Click on the link above, or find it under Reviews on the menu.
Patient Zero
by Tejal Toprani
I’m sick. Like really sick. And no this isn’t one of those Shel Silverstein poems.
The reason my sickness is so poignant is that I am the captain of the ship. Not an actual ship – but the self-appointed ambassador of the house. A mom, a wife, a person with some semblance of a career – so I can’t go down. The positive of being an ambassador is that if there were an attempt on my life it would be called an assassination instead of a murder if you can call that a positive. But I digress – back to being sick. Continue reading
Thanksgiving History
Want to tell your children about the first Thanksgiving? The REAL story? Check out this website:
And for adults, check out this book:
Thanksgiving Treats
Here is a fun Thanksgiving dish kids love to make!You can have kids of any age help with this:
Steve’s Sweet Potato Marshmallow Balls You will need:sweet potatoes1 bag marshmallowsbrown sugarbuttercorn flakesRoast how ever many sweet potatoes you need (2 for a small gathering of 4 people, more for a larger gathering) at 400 degrees until soft. Let sweet potatoes cool then remove the skin and put into a large mixing bowl. Mash the potatoes using a potato masher or hands. After mashing add a little brown sugar to taste.
Now for the fun part!
Put corn flakes on a cookie sheet with sides and have your child mash with his/her fists.
Then have your child stand at the counter and take a scoop of sweet potato and form into a ball around one marshmallow. Each ball should be larger than a golf ball but smaller than a baseball.
Put the crushed cornflakes in a shallow soup bowl or on a cookie sheet with sides and roll each sweet potato ball in the corn flakes to coat.
Place finished sweet potato balls on a greased cookie sheet. Put a pat of butter on top of each one.
Bake at 375 for 15 or 20 minutes or until the marshmallows inside are gooey. Do not leave in too long or the marshmallows will totally melt and your child will be disappointed. You can always take one out to test the marshmallow inside!
Serve warm.
Canceled
Dr. Corinne Masur
Has your child come home recently saying he or she has been canceled? Or has your child told you that he or she has canceled someone else?
It’s a new term for an old behavior. If someone does something you really don’t like, you can cancel them– that is, you can write them off, ignore them, have nothing to do with them, and just plain pretend they don’t exist.
Where did the term come from? Well, YouTube, among other places.
According to a teenager quoted in a New York Times article on the subject (11/3/19), canceling someone is a way to take away their power and call them out. Another teen was quoted as saying that the word can also be used in fun, just to tease someone.
So, saying “you’re canceled” can mean any one of several things– from “I’m done with you” to “I’m pretending to be done with you but really we’re still friends.”
Sometimes people are canceled for offensive language or behavior, and it’s a response to racist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, or misogynistic interactions.
Sometimes people are canceled just because…..well, someone decided they didn’t like something about them.
Is canceling someone the best way to deal with them when you’re upset with them? What about talking to them and telling them you don’t like what they did and why? In situations where someone feels attacked or disempowered, is it that person’s responsibility to educate or challenge the person who caused the pain? What are the benefits and consequences of canceling them?
Parents, this deserves a conversation. Think about these questions and how to talk with kids about conflict, power, and resolution. Be ready when your child comes home talking about having canceled someone– or when they threaten to cancel YOU!
To Party or Not To Party
This is the first in a series of humorous posts by Tejal Toprani Misra who is a psychotherapist in part-time private practice and a most-time stay at home mom. She lives in Philadelphia with her spouse and two young sons.
I recently made the grave error of taking a loud toddler and a 10-month-old crawler to a birthday party solo (my husband works a lot so this is a general theme in my life). Anyways, somehow, I convinced myself that going to this party was a good morning activity. Well it wasn’t. It was raining so that’s always a blast with my naturally curly hair – which I’ve been fighting to keep straight since I was 14 – so I decided to drive to “avoid the rain” in a neighborhood that hasn’t heard of parking spots.
And then – the party itself: A common theme I’ve been noticing lately is a lack of food at children’s parties. Either the idea is that people above 48 inches do not need to eat or it’s poor planning. I’m not sure which. I was starving when I got there and when I finally found 60 seconds to eat, the food was gone. I was recently at another party where the birthday girl’s grandfather went for seconds and the box of pizza was empty. At this party the birthday girl’s mother had the audacity to brag that the party was so economical! Well of course it was when there were literally ravenous children there and no food for them OR the adults! In five more minutes that fourth birthday was going to turn into a riot. Continue reading
Thoughts on The Giving Tree
“Generosity is not about sacrificing yourself for others — it’s about helping others without harming yourself.”
Check out this NYT article and let us know what you think:
How to Talk to Kids about Death
Dr. Corinne Masur
People tell me my posts are too long.
So, here’s a short one on a difficult subject:
- Don’t hesitate to talk to your child about death.
- Bring the subject up in casual conversation.
- Answer ANY questions your child asks you about death in a factual way. Young children, especially, really want to know what happens when someone or something dies. Just tell them, “The person stops breathing, they can’t eat anymore, they can’t think anymore, they can’t move anymore.” This is a good explanation for a 2-4 year old.
- Whether you bring up heaven or an afterlife should be guided by your own beliefs.
- Don’t ever tell your child that death is like sleep. This can provoke a fear of sleep and of bedtime.
- For children of any age, don’t shy away from looking at dead bugs or dead animals with them. Talk about what’s happened and how they feel about it.
- When a relative dies, don’t hesitate to take your child to the funeral. But first, explain what a funeral is and ask them if they would like to go. If they go, be open to taking them out for a walk during the service if they ask to leave or if they seem upset. Talk to them about the sad feelings that everyone has when someone dies.
Reading books with children about death BEFORE they experience the death of a loved one is a good idea. Two good books for young children are: The Tenth Good Thing About Barney and Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs.
Thoughtful Parenting 