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What is TikTok Doing to Us?

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The Washington Post conducted a poll of TikTok users and found that over a period of several months, their use, on average, doubled or tripled. For some, it even quadrupled (1).

How does TikTok (and other social media) do this?

According to The Post, a 51-year-old user said, “There are times when I know I should stop scrolling and get work done or go to sleep, but it’s so hard to stop, knowing the next swipe might bring me to a truly interesting video.”

He said that although he had never been addicted to drugs, alcohol, or nicotine, his TikTok use felt like an addiction to him.

We can all relate to this.

And if it is true of us as adults, how much harder must it be for kids and teens to pull themselves away from TikTok – and other social media?

The deck is stacked against us, regardless of our age.

TikTok uses a personalized algorithm to appeal to each person’s tastes, but according to The Post, we know very little about these algorithms and how they do what they do.

So the Post collected data from 1100 TikTok users in order to look at how much time people spend on the app, how many times a day they look at the app and how much time each person waits before moving on to the next video.

They found some amazing things:

First, it takes only watching 260 videos (which can be done in as little as 35 minutes) to form a habit of watching the app. 

Second, after just one week of app use, daily watch time grew an average of 40%.

And third, the more people used the app, the faster their swipe time became.

What are the implications here?

Well for adults as well as for kids, according to The Post, time spent on TikTok replaces time spent doing more productive activities.

This is pretty obvious.

But what is not as obvious are some of the other things that happen when TikTok users spend more and more time on the app.

According to some experts, with increased TikTok and similar app use, self-control decreases, compulsive behaviors increase, losing track of time increases, and using the app while with others also increases.

What conclusions are we to draw from this?

Well, people think that they control TikTok. They think that by swiping past videos they aren’t interested in, they can train the app to give them videos that they like better and they can curate what they watch.


And while this may be correct, the greater truth seems to be that TikTok is controlling us – to watch more, to watch longer, and to watch compulsively, even when we know we have better things to do.


The videos are fun to watch. And the more they become tailored to the watcher’s interests, the more the watcher enjoys themselves, and the more time they are inclined to watch.


And this is true for kids and teens, too.

But the costs are high.

Researchers have found that immersion in a world created by TikTok and Instagram is associated with higher levels of depression and anxiety. And while people may think they are using the apps as a beneficial escape from everyday worries, going on them is absolutely not the best coping strategy. In fact, it has been found that people not only feel more depressed and anxious (2) with app use but they also often feel more bored after using the apps as well as feeling ashamed for having wasted their time.

So – what can you do for yourselves and your kids?


1. Set a daily time limit for how much time you want to devote to TikTok and other social media.


2. Help your kids to do the same. Don’t lecture them about it. Don’t tell them to do it. Just ask them how much time they would like to spend on the apps each day. Ask them if they think going on the apps gets in the way of doing other things. Then ask them if they would like to set a time limit for their use. And if you are setting a limit for yourself, tell them. And if you struggle to stick to it, tell them this too.


3. Look into third-party apps to block or restrict your ability to open the app – and let your kids know you are researching this.


4. Ask your kids if they would like to use one of these apps to help them stay off TikTok and other social media while doing homework and other activities.


5. Promote family time where phones are put away, put in the middle of the table or left at home. This means you, too! And while you are doing these activities, ask your kids their opinions about things. Have discussions. Lots of swiping can inhibit independent thought – and you definitely want to promote critical thinking and the development of personal opinions – about politics, about social issues, about relationships….and about app use.

Good luck.

Cutting down on TikTok use and the use of other social media is extremely difficult, not unlike fighting other kinds of habits and dependencies. It takes time and effort…and repeated backsliding to accomplish.


References

1. https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/interactive/2025/tiktok-addiction-algorithm-scrolling-mental-health/?utm_campaign=wp_post_most&utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&carta-url=https%3A%2F%2Fs2.washingtonpost.com%2Fcar-ln-tr%2F453509f%2F68e53a68fe87267da2488670%2F63caa51aa2ddf36a686dd4c3%2F14%2F67%2F68e53a68fe87267da2488670

2. Roberts JA, David ME. Instagram and TikTok Flow States and Their Association with Psychological Well-Being. Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2023 Feb;26(2):80-89. doi: 10.1089/cyber.2022.0117. Epub 2023 Jan 30. PMID: 36716180.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36716180/

Thanksgiving Table Discussions

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thanksgiving_table_2000x1200

Dr. Corinne Masur

Here is a post which I have updated from 2016 – merely by changing one name….

People are afraid this Thanksgiving– not of the usual dried out turkey, but of the discussions that are anticipated at the table. Some are even skipping Thanksgiving altogether, in order to avoid painful conversations and heightened tension at their usual holiday gathering places.

This year poses great challenges for families – and reminds many of 2016. The interpersonal differences and conflicts that we expect to experience at the holidays are trumped by the election hangover. Families that have members who voted for both Harris and Trump are grappling with what do do.

For those who have decided to meet anyway, and even for those who disagree on the election results, there’s something that CAN be agreed on: concern over what children will hear at the holiday table and what it means to them.

Conflict of any sort, but especially loud conflict, can be scary to babies and children. And people sitting at Thanksgiving tables where the election results will be discussed are likely to experience and express conflict as well as angst, worry, and fear about what the future will bring.

What to do for the children? At what point is it time for them to be excused? And what do we say about why they need to be excused, about the discussion, the conflict, the disagreement, the worry and about the actual content of what is being said?

These are such hard questions – and parents all over this country are searching for answers to them.

For Harris supporters, the next four years look bleak. Many are scared. Many are worried about what will happen to themselves and to their families, to friends who are immigrants, to LGBT loved ones, to the environment, to international relationships…the list goes on.

Trump supporters, on the other hand, may be worried about the opposition, which is already being voiced toward their new president elect. They may be angry about this opposition.

On both sides there are strong feelings. And while children can certainly listen to and take part in calm discussions where differences of opinion are voiced, loud, angry discussions are not helpful to their sense of safety and well being.

So here are my suggestions:

1. Prepare your children for what to expect:

Before the holiday, talk to your children about what may happen at Thanksgiving. Talk to them about the possibility that there will be discussions about the election, about President Elect Trump and Kamala Harris, and that people may have strong feelings about them. Reassure your children by telling them that people can disagree on subjects, they can even raise their voices, but they can still care about each other and love each other. For example, you can say, “When we visit Aunt May, relatives will be there who have different opinions about the election. They will talk about what they did not like about Kamala Harris/Donald Trump. They may even get upset. People have strong feelings about this election and not everybody agrees. No matter what people say, you will be safe at Aunt May’s and you can always ask me questions about anything that anybody says.

2. Bring distractions:

Before Thanksgiving, go out and get some art supplies, Legos, or small projects – whatever your children like to do – and take them with you, without telling your children that you have them. If you feel that a discussion is getting too heated, excuse the children from the table and set them up in another room, preferably out of ear shot, to do their surprise projects.

3. Process:

Each time there is a heated discussion, talk to your children afterwards. Ask them what they heard and what they felt. Let them ask questions about the experience.

4. Content:

If this is possible in your family, at the beginning of your gathering ask all assembled members to be mindful of the fact that children are present and to speak accordingly.

Also, have one person in the room who will stay mindful of how children are hearing the discussion and be willing to take the children elsewhere to play a game, watch a video, etc. if the discussion becomes too heated.

And what if your children ask why President Elect Donald Trump or Kamala Harris does “bad” things?

You can tell children of any age that people are not perfect, that everyone makes mistakes, and that it is important to try to fix mistakes once they’ve been made.

You can also tell them that when people talking about politics are angry, sometimes they exaggerate or they say things that aren’t true. For example, someone in the family may have said something that was not true about Harris or Trump. You can tell your children that it’s not the right thing to do and we try not to exaggerate or speak meanly about others, but when we are angry we may sometimes do this.

Also, remind your children that this country was born from controversy – that in forming this democracy, in writing the declaration of independence and the constitution, people disagreed and argued and finally compromised enough to produce finished documents. Educate your children about the value of debate and discussion. Tell them about the Supreme Court and Congress, and how very smart people continue to discuss and debate how best to govern our nation. For older children and teens, the film, “Lincoln” may be instructive – or you may find other films and/or books on this subject.

What if your children feel frightened because they overheard that President Elect Trump doesn’t know what he’s doing or doesn’t have good judgment or doesn’t have enough experience to be president?

In this case, as in the case with all questions coming from your children, you must try to walk a difficult line: reassure your child as much as possible in order for him or her to feel safe while also being as truthful as possible. If your child says that they have heard that Trump is not a good person or is not choosing good people for his Cabinet, then you can explain the system of checks and balances to your child, saying that there are three branches of government and no one gets to have all the power, which protects us when one branch isn’t doing a good job. With older children, you can take the opportunity to look up relevant information online and to learn about how our democracy works to protect us.

5. Turn Passive Into Active

For children who are feeling frightened or helpless in light of difficult family discussions or just because of the accumulated information they have received about this election, engage them in projects where they get to be active in helping. Have them write a letter with suggestions to President Elect Trump. Or have them write a letter of condolence to Kamala Harris. Or ask them what they would do better if THEY were elected president and what they would like our democracy to look like.

And whatever you do, remember, this is a process. You can continue to talk to your children about different family members’ opinions, the way they expressed them, and about the election and its results for months to come.

So, good luck with this difficult Thanksgiving – and let’s all hope that at least the turkey will be moist this year.

Are Kids Safer at School With or Without Their Phones?

~ corinnemasur2331 ~ Leave a comment

This is Part 2 of a series on phones at school.

In my previous post on the topic of phones in schools, I wondered why we haven’t already helped kids avoid distraction by putting smartphone bans in place at all schools. UNESCO has recommended that this be done worldwide 1and there are a large number of studies demonstrating why this is important.2,3

In researching the answer to this question, I found out that while some states have put legislation in place allowing school districts to enact smartphone bans at school, other states hesitate to do so because there are parents who are against this—and some have even sued school districts.4

Coincidentally, I recently received a notification from Delaney Ruston, M.D., who writes the blog Screenagers on just this topic.5

She wrote that one reason some parents object to kids not having their phones with them during the school day is that the parents think it is safer for them to have their phones in case of a school emergency. They want their children to be able to contact them.

Ruston has called for a national survey on the opinions of Americans as to whether children are safer with or without phones at school, but in the meantime, before such a study can be carried out, she did a little survey of her own—not scientific—but meaningful nonetheless.

She asked numerous people what they thought and these are some of the responses she received:

Superintendent

“We had a real-time emergency…We went into lockdown, and moments after that, students started communicating with their parents, texting, and calling from their cell phones. As a result, our first responders were arriving at the school, and we had parents lined up in our driveway, and the first responders literally couldn’t get their vehicles to our school. The driveway was backed up all the way to the street.“

Police Officer

“I do not like children having access to their phones directly in school because of the safety aspect of it. You can’t get away from … the misinformation that gets presented. The slightest little rumor of a threat or the slightest statement that gets made, which isn’t investigated, gets circulated quicker than the police even get notification or before staff gets notified.”

Elementary School Principal

“When I was a principal at a high school, we had a lockdown occur one time, and because all of the students got on their phones immediately, the network of the school crashed, and then none of our phones worked.”

“I am not a proponent of cell phones, especially during an emergency situation.”

School safety expert who consults with schools across the country

“One of the biggest arguments parents have is that kids should have access to phones, especially high school, during the day in the event of an emergency and a security breach. And, we tell them, no, the first thing we want to have is first responders in the building as soon as possible. We have to speed up our responses to emergencies, not slow them down.”

“I would like to see a policy where there’s no phones allowed, bell to bell. Period. Put in the lockers or some other kind of system where there’s accountability that those kids can’t access them.”

So, here are some experts, people on the ground taking care of kids and in charge of public safety, who say that phones do not make kids safer at school.

It is also important to consider that the use of cell phones during unfolding school emergencies can distract students from what they are being told to do by school staff to preserve their safety.

And beyond the potentially negative effects of cell phones used during emergencies, students have used cell phones to make bomb threats, plan school shootings, and make individual threats to other students. And phones have also been used for cyberbullying and for instigating and organizing fights and other safety disruptions at school.5

So, now that you have heard some of the reasons why smartphones may not actually make children safer at school, what do you think? Are children safer and better off at school with or without their phones?

References

1. https://devbusiness.un.org/news/unesco-calls-global-ban-smartphones-sch…

2. https://www.jeremyajorgensen.com/the-impact-of-cellphone-use-on-student….

3. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9676861/

4. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1287931.pdf

5. https://www.screenagersmovie.com/blog/how-phone-bans-improve-school-saf…

6. https://schoolsecurity.org/trends/cell-phones-and-text-messaging-in-sch…

Should Schools Ban Cell Phone Use During Class?

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In September 23, 2024, Governor Gavin Newsom signed the Phone-Free Schools Act into law. This legislation requires all public schools in California to develop and implement policies restricting student cell phone use during school hours – unless needed for individualized instruction, medical necessity or an emergency situation. 1

Meanwhile Florida banned phones altogether as of July 1 of this year. 1

In Connecticut the State Board of ED introduced voluntary guidelines this past summer allowing individual school districts to design their own policies. Guidelines suggest that elementary and middle schools remove all cell phones and similar devices – but they do not mandate it. 1

Indiana is a little stricter, having passed a law which went into effect July 1 of this year requiring all educational institutions to establish guidelines for prohibiting phone use in classrooms. 1

In Delaware, money has been set aside for a cell phone pilot program which will require students to put their phones in pouches during the school day. 1

And the variations continue, state by state.

But why?

There is a large body of literature that looks at smartphone use and academic performance.

And, as might be expected, smartphone use is associated with poorer course comprehension, lower GPA’s, poor sleep quantity, decreased life satisfaction, and higher rates of anxiety, loneliness, and depression. 3

It has been well documented that cell phone use in class is also a common source of distraction and leads to decreased focus. 2

In a study of college students, one group whose cell phones were removed were compared to another group of students who were allowed to keep their cell phones. Results indicated that students whose smartphones were physically removed during class had higher levels of course comprehension, lower levels of anxiety, and higher levels of mindfulness than the control group. 3

We know that cell phone use at school also facilitates cheating on tests, as well as allowing sexting and cyberbullying during class time.

And if all that were not enough, UNESCO has called for a WORLDWIDE ban on cell phone use in schools. 5

So why have we not done more to help our kids stay away from their cell phones during the school day?

Well, as it turns out, parents don’t always like cell phone bans. When The Department of Education in New York City implemented a district-wide cell phone ban in 2005, parents sued. They weren’t successful in overturning the ban, but they did spend a considerable amount of resources to challenge the ban. Lawyers for the parents argued that the board overreached its authority by denying parents their constitutional right to stay in contact with their children in school. The challenger also alleged that the cell phone ban violated the U.S. Constitution because it “infringed on parents’ fundamental right to provide for the care, custody, and control of their children” (Price et al. v. New York City Board of Education, 2007, p. 7) 4

It turns out that banning or restricting cell phone use in schools is extremely controversial. In an article summarizing the lawsuits which have been brought against schools which implemented policies restricting cell phone use, the authors concluded that to prevent further law suits, educational leaders need to develop cell phone use policies and apply them carefully when disciplining students who violate their provisions. The authors of the review found that the courts are generally willing to defer to the authority of educators to enact reasonable cell phone policies in order to preserve school safety and security.

Where do YOU stand on your kids using their phones in school?

Is your desire to communicate with your child during the school day more powerful than your wish to protect your child from distraction during class?

Think about it.

1 https://www.newsweek.com/map-shows-states-school-cellphone-bans-1958547….

2 https://www.jeremyajorgensen.com/the-impact-of-cellphone-use-on-student….


3 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9676861/


4 https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1287931.pdf

5 https://devbusiness.un.org/news/unesco-calls-global-ban-smartphones-schools

In The Run-up to the Election, Who Cares About Children and Families, Anyway?

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A recent New Yorker article starts with the following:

“At the end of the summer, the U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, issued an advisory on the mental health of the nation’s parents. Too many families, Murthy wrote, are beset by economic factors beyond their control, including the costs of health care, child care, elder care, housing, and groceries. Murthy cited alarming results from a survey by the American Psychological Association, conducted in 2023, in which forty-one per cent of parents said that “most days they are so stressed they cannot function,” forty-eight per cent said that “most days their stress is completely overwhelming,” and fifty per cent said that “when they are stressed, they can’t bring themselves to do anything.” 1

This is outrageous!

So many parents are so stressed!

We have to talk about this.

And it is also time to fully acknowledge how little support there is for families in this country.

Unlike other developed nations, we have little to no governmental support for the care of our young children. Parents are not subsidized to stay home to care for infants and young pre-school aged children – and at the very same time, the survival of most families AND the survival of our economy require both parents to work in most families. 

But, as the article says, “insufficient or erratic child care is a major disruptor of parents’ work schedules”1 and “In eleven states and the District of Columbia, child care costs at least twice as much as typical monthly rent or mortgage payments, and two-thirds of parents nationwide report spending twenty per cent or more of their take-home pay on child care. For sole parents, this share rises to thirty-five per cent.”1

The Build Back Better bill, proposed by President Biden included funding for child care and early childhood education. 

And yet, even knowing how important childcare is to family well being, the Build Back Better agenda did NOT receive widespread bipartisan support, and the provisions for daycare were completely cut from the final bill which was passed, called The Inflation Reduction Act. 2

The Democrats’ plans included universal pre-kindergarten, lower child care costs, paid family and sick leave and the enhanced child tax credit, among other provisions, but all of these were ultimately eliminated during negotiations between Democrats and Republicans. Those cuts became the ninth time in just two and a half years where proposed legislation aimed at helping women and families have been removed, according to a CNN analysis of data from the Congressional Budget Office and Congressional Research Reports.

Paid family leave alone has been trimmed down or dropped five different times since March 2020, and universal pre-kindergarten, paid family leave and an expanded child tax credit were all left out of the Inflation Reduction Act.

Now we have a presidential candidate who is introducing a six-thousand-dollar tax credit for parents of newborns, and a cap on child-care expenditures at seven per cent of a family’s income. She has also signalled her commitment to pro-family economic policy in choosing Tim Walz, the governor of Minnesota, as her running mate. As Governor, Walz has made school breakfast and lunch free in Minnesota and has made public higher education free for low-income students, he has added more than two billion dollars to Minnesota’s K-12 school budget, expanded the state’s child tax credit, and enshrined paid family and medical leave.

If instituted on a nationwide basis, these policies would do a LOT to decrease family stress – 

and yet the presidential race is still neck in neck. 

Obviously, many fathers and mothers are not putting help for families at the top of their priority list when choosing who to vote for.

It’s obviously time that we name the problem loud and clear: children and families are not considered important in our country. 

To many, “it’s the economy, stupid” which is important. 

But let’s connect the dots: the workers of today, parents, need to be less stressed to do their jobs. And the workers of tomorrow, children, need to be well cared for in order to be the healthy community members and the creative and productive workers the economy needs.

If this is the only argument that will get through to some people, let’s make it!

As Winter suggests in her New Yorker article, a coherent, constructive debate about how to help working parents—about how our politics and institutions can foster a care economy that exists, in one form or another, in virtually every other developed nation on Earth—is needed. 

Let’s start talking!

References and Citations

1 https://www.newyorker.com/news/the-lede/the-real-and-perceived-pressures-of-american-parenthood?

2 CNN

https://www.nationalaffairs.com/publications/detail/the-uncomfortable-t…

https://www.nichd.nih.gov/sites/default/files/publications/pubs/documen…

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/202002/the-deal…

How to Talk to Children About the Situation in Gaza and Israel – Part II

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Just after October 7 we posted on how to talk with children about what was happening in Israel and Gaza.

Since then the situation has changed considerably and children will be curious about what is going on: Why do people have such different opinions? Why are students protesting on college campuses? Why are people arguing? What is really happening in Gaza and in Israel? And why?

These are difficult questions to answer.

People ARE arguing; people ARE divided; people ARE suffering; people ARE starving.

How do we explain all of this to children?

Well, if you’ve been reading this blog long enough, you know that I always advise starting with the truth – and providing it at a level that is in keeping with your child’s age and stage of development.

No matter how you feel about the situation in Gaza and Israel, you can talk about what is going on. You can provide your children with a little history and you can try to explain why people have such strong feelings right now.

You may feel that you would like to protect your children from events in the world like these which are troubling or painful. 

But if you do not talk about these events with them at home, they will hear about them elsewhere – whether at school, online, or from their neighborhood friends. And without your guidance, they will be left alone to wonder about what is going on, or they will rely on sources which may be less reliable than you are.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Bring up the topic with your children – no matter how old they are. Ask them what they’ve heard about it.

2. Show them on a map where Israel and Gaza are if they don’t already know.

3. Give your children a little history about what has happened in this area of the world over time, and how many people have wanted this small piece of land.

4. Tell the truth about what is happening now. Talk about what is actually happening in Gaza and Israel right now.

Be factual.

4. Explain that people have very strong feelings about what is happening based on their views. Tell them that many people are taking sides.

5. But avoid dichotomous thinking yourself.

Try not to put the issues in terms of right and wrong or good and bad. Let your children know that people in Gaza are suffering AND people in Israel are suffering.

Tell them that students on college campuses are demonstrating as a way of expressing their opinions.

Tell them about your own experience. Have you had strong feelings? Have you had differences of opinions with friends? Have you found that it is difficult to talk with others about this situation and that conversations that started out calmly have turned into arguments? Let your children know that it is sometimes difficult to remember to be respectful of the other person’s feelings when you have strong feelings about something you are talking about – but that it is important to try.

6. Be curious about your children’s point of view. Ask them what they think.

7. Talk to your children about what solutions they have for the situation. What would they do if they had the power to change the situation in Gaza and Israel?  What are some ways they can think of to talk about the situation without getting into arguments? And what are some things they can do if they do get into an argument with someone to de-escalate the situation?

This is a difficult and painful time. Many of us feel quite helpless.

And research has shown that one of the hardest things for children as well as adults is just this – to feel helpless.

Something that can help with this feeling is taking action in a productive way. Perhaps you can ask your children if they would like to contribute money to a charity which will aid people in Gaza or Israel – or both. Let them earn money by doing some jobs around the house or garden. And then let them sit with you as you make the contribution with their money.

Or ask them if they would like to learn more about what is going on – or the historical roots of what is going on – and then help them do some research.

We need to do the difficult thing and talk with our children about all of this.

If we have any hope for future generations, it’s time to start talking with children about how people can disagree, how people can be angry, how people can want to retaliate against one another, and ALSO how people can try to be respectful of each other’s opinions, and how people can wait to talk about things until they are not so angry. We can talk about how differences – even differences between nations and peoples – can be worked out through negotiations rather than war. We can explain to our children that everyone suffers when there is conflict and war – and that we need to learn other ways to resolve our difficulties with one another.

*******

For more help on how to talk to children about this and other scary subjects, check out Dr. Abigail Gerwitz’s book, When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids –