Just after October 7 we posted on how to talk with children about what was happening in Israel and Gaza.

Since then the situation has changed considerably and children will be curious about what is going on: Why do people have such different opinions? Why are students protesting on college campuses? Why are people arguing? What is really happening in Gaza and in Israel? And why?

These are difficult questions to answer.

People ARE arguing; people ARE divided; people ARE suffering; people ARE starving.

How do we explain all of this to children?

Well, if you’ve been reading this blog long enough, you know that I always advise starting with the truth – and providing it at a level that is in keeping with your child’s age and stage of development.

No matter how you feel about the situation in Gaza and Israel, you can talk about what is going on. You can provide your children with a little history and you can try to explain why people have such strong feelings right now.

You may feel that you would like to protect your children from events in the world like these which are troubling or painful. 

But if you do not talk about these events with them at home, they will hear about them elsewhere – whether at school, online, or from their neighborhood friends. And without your guidance, they will be left alone to wonder about what is going on, or they will rely on sources which may be less reliable than you are.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Bring up the topic with your children – no matter how old they are. Ask them what they’ve heard about it.

2. Show them on a map where Israel and Gaza are if they don’t already know.

3. Give your children a little history about what has happened in this area of the world over time, and how many people have wanted this small piece of land.

4. Tell the truth about what is happening now. Talk about what is actually happening in Gaza and Israel right now.

Be factual.

4. Explain that people have very strong feelings about what is happening based on their views. Tell them that many people are taking sides.

5. But avoid dichotomous thinking yourself.

Try not to put the issues in terms of right and wrong or good and bad. Let your children know that people in Gaza are suffering AND people in Israel are suffering.

Tell them that students on college campuses are demonstrating as a way of expressing their opinions.

Tell them about your own experience. Have you had strong feelings? Have you had differences of opinions with friends? Have you found that it is difficult to talk with others about this situation and that conversations that started out calmly have turned into arguments? Let your children know that it is sometimes difficult to remember to be respectful of the other person’s feelings when you have strong feelings about something you are talking about – but that it is important to try.

6. Be curious about your children’s point of view. Ask them what they think.

7. Talk to your children about what solutions they have for the situation. What would they do if they had the power to change the situation in Gaza and Israel?  What are some ways they can think of to talk about the situation without getting into arguments? And what are some things they can do if they do get into an argument with someone to de-escalate the situation?

This is a difficult and painful time. Many of us feel quite helpless.

And research has shown that one of the hardest things for children as well as adults is just this – to feel helpless.

Something that can help with this feeling is taking action in a productive way. Perhaps you can ask your children if they would like to contribute money to a charity which will aid people in Gaza or Israel – or both. Let them earn money by doing some jobs around the house or garden. And then let them sit with you as you make the contribution with their money.

Or ask them if they would like to learn more about what is going on – or the historical roots of what is going on – and then help them do some research.

We need to do the difficult thing and talk with our children about all of this.

If we have any hope for future generations, it’s time to start talking with children about how people can disagree, how people can be angry, how people can want to retaliate against one another, and ALSO how people can try to be respectful of each other’s opinions, and how people can wait to talk about things until they are not so angry. We can talk about how differences – even differences between nations and peoples – can be worked out through negotiations rather than war. We can explain to our children that everyone suffers when there is conflict and war – and that we need to learn other ways to resolve our difficulties with one another.

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For more help on how to talk to children about this and other scary subjects, check out Dr. Abigail Gerwitz’s book, When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids –