This post was written by Karen Libber Fishbein, LCSW. She is a therapist and mother who lives in Philadelphia with her husband and two daughters.

Earlier this week, the U.S. Surgeon General declared parental stress an urgent public health issue. He discussed the “dizzying pace” of the world as one of the main factors behind this stress.

As a mother of daughters ages eleven and almost nine, this statement certainly resonated with me. I find that I’m frequently feeling stressed, run down, and frazzled as I manage many of the components of day-to-day life.

I rarely felt this way before having children.  

When I think back to my childhood, I don’t recall my parents being under this level of pressure. Though it was still stressful parenting at that time (the 1980’s), parents didn’t have to contend with the intricacies of the present-day digital world. Many of the strategies that worked well for parents decades ago in the analog world no longer work in the world we inhabit today. That leaves parents who are trying their best to stay afloat feeling confused, overwhelmed, and burned out!

When our daughters were two and five, the stress levels of modern parenthood were more than my husband and I could bear, and they began to negatively impact our marriage. We began couples therapy at that time (this was spring of 2018) in the hopes that our relationship struggles would improve. We ended our therapy in the spring of 2024, and what transpired over the course of the six years we were in treatment is truly miraculous. 

Not only did the couples’ journey dramatically improve our marriage, it also trickled down to the kids. Once the marriage was stronger, the girls’ behavior, moods, and general well-being improved.

Children, particularly those who are sensitive and empathic like both of our daughters, can sponge off of their parents’ mental states. If the parents are in pain, the kids may take on this pain unknowingly. 

The best way I can describe the process of couples therapy is that it’s a highly emotionally charged excavation of years of pent-up resentments and relational challenges. It is not easy work to do, but it is important work. For us, many sessions invoked painful feelings and realizations. My husband and I each had no idea how much unprocessed emotion had built up over the years.  Unsurprisingly, many of these relational struggles predated our relationship with each other and were directly associated with childhood attachment patterns.  

Couples therapy provided a safe space for us to explore all of these dynamics and it helped each of us to understand how they impact our present lives. 

Today our family unit feels healthier and much more stable than it did prior to engaging in couples therapy. While an improved family system doesn’t take away the stress of modern parenthood, it certainly makes it easier to weather the storms. I’m a firm proponent of both individual and couples therapy and believe both can be vital resources during the trials and tribulations of parenthood. After receiving both forms of treatment myself, I can honestly say that the couples work has had a more profound, lasting impact on the family system than did the individual work alone. 

One of my favorite seasoned therapists, Dr. Irvin Yalom, wrote an inspirational book called “The Gift of Therapy.” I read it a couple years ago and would highly recommend it to anyone interested in the practice of psychotherapy. I titled this article “The Gift of Couples Therapy,” in the hopes that it may inspire anyone, particularly parents, who may be ambivalent about the idea of therapy to pursue couples therapy. The therapy that my husband and I received has truly been a gift, and I’m hopeful it will help our family going forward and for generations to come.